I simultaneously understand and do not understand the value of what I will call “usefulness.” The past few days I have been cultivating “peacefulness” and “pleasure” in my life. outside of usefulness. beyond usefulness in a capitalist fashion. peacefulness and pleasure is, in my perception, useful in abundant ways, to my spirit and my mind and my home and my family and my body.
There was a time when I first moved back to Evanston in 2005, when my life consisted of working and eating and practicing yoga and napping and doing crossword puzzles. Doing things that didn’t seem like they HAD to be done. That I could do or not do. Recognizing the choices I have. Mostly importantly committing to take care of myself in whatever ways I needed to.
Since then, I have noticed that my days are a series of doings. and schedules. and how to be efficients. instead of what do I want to do right nows. In this way, one can become a victim to one’s own life and to the people and things that make up one’s own life. without even realizing it. I find that I wake up and I think I need to walk the dogs and do dishes and eat breakfast and go to work and go home and cook dinner and walk the dogs and feed the dogs and clean the living room and do dishes and go to bed to wake up tomorrow.
or I have to do this, so I can do this. instead of just doing the thing I want to do.
Slash I have found bliss recently, as I have consciously chosen to do the things I want to do when I want to do. for example, taking a walk because the air is fresh and I want to be in it, instead of doing the more useful thing of starting dinner and organizing the closet and going to bed. I have sat and read articles in the newspaper while sitting and enjoying my breakfast instead of getting my breakfast together while getting ready for work and running out the door. hanging out in cafes and writing blogs, instead of doing the have to dos.
Not that the have to dos have to be have to dos. There’s a way of looking at them so that they are a choice and something I enjoy. I think appreciating the have to dos instead of expecting them allows me to better cultivate peacefulness and pleasure in my life.
