It’s Thursday night, and two weeks ago, Daniel and I and Raul, (Daniel’s brother), sat in a tapas restaurant on Haight Street in San Francisco, California– the beginning of our California adventure, our California vacation –and what a vacation it was!

Two weeks ago, Thursday morning, Daniel, Tunas, Nata, and I left the house at 5:30 a.m. to drive to Santa Fe, to the Dusty Dog Ranch, where Tunas and Nata would spend the next 11 days…on their vacation.  The ranch was pure peace, like super duper chilled out.  There were probably 25 dogs there, and they were all…calm.  and our dogs were…calm.  nervous too.  but chilled out.  So leaving them wasn’t nearly the challenge I imagined it would be.  what a gift to have such a peaceful, safe space to leave our doggies for 11 days.  phew.

We then drove to the Albuquerque Sunport, AND flew to Oakland, California!  once we made it through security (Daniel was not only x-rayed and metal-detected, but also enhancedly patted down, and questioned about his socks and the pennies in his pocket—- oh well.  we made it.  ha!) of course.  So then!  We found our way to the BART, and found our way to San Francisco, and found our way to a delicious meal (fish tacos and ceviche and beer) on the pier on the Embarcadero, at some seemingly, although not-at all, grungy bar with delectable eats.  We then proceeded to walk back to Market Street and up Market Street and up Haight Street, all the way to the end.  with our bags.  We were both a little grumpy…sore feet and shoulders…and Daniel was fearing the marathon he would run in a few days with sore feet and shoulders…but then, there we were at dinner and then the Academy of Sciences (jellyfish!!  and beetles!!  and beatles!!).  So much so much.

followed by two nights with Raul, another meal in San Francisco, a visit with my college friend, Dorothy, in Palo Alto…AND then a couple hour journey to Monterey!  with their uncle Martin.  more yummy eats in Carmel-by-the-sea and Monterey, as well, as the BIG SUR INTERNATIONAL MARATHON!  Raul and Daniel and Martin ran the marathon, and I ran the 10.6 mile race with a bib that read Jesus–  I replaced Raul’s injured friend, Jesus.  It was…a challenge.  AND, it spurred an excitement in me for running!  These days, I run, occasionally.  To the post office, from the post office.  about two miles…max.  and the race was awesome!  For ALL OF US!  beautiful beautiful beautifulness!  along route 1 from Carmel towards Big Sur and back (because of the landslides).  And my muscles. were. so. sore.  my calf muscles.  And Daniel ran the marathon in homemade huaraches (sandals), and placed 230 out of 3250 (approximately)….pretty amazing in my perception!

hooray!

oh there are so many stories to tell.  There was the rented bike and the wine tasting and the aquarian (woah sea dragons!!!); there were the sea otters and dolphins in the Pacific in Monterey; there was the epic drive from Monterey to Ventura, down route 1, until route 1 ended (due to landslides), and the super scenic detour (aka super treacherous) through Los Padres National Forest to Route 101; there was the time spent with some of Daniel’s family from Chicago (and the new baby Alma!!); there was the cafe in Echo Park where I saw three bizarro versions of people I know from Chicago (Jules, Little Tony aka Tona Tuna, and Antonio); there was the reconnecting with my friend, Felipe, from college, over drinks and cheese and bread and grapes; there was the music theatre production we attended and the visiting with my roommate of three years and dear friend, Pranidhi, in Los Angeles; there was the yoga class (!!!!!) I attended with Pranidhi; there was the amazing, love-filled, family-filled, tequila-filled, taco-filled picnic party we attended with Daniel’s extended family in Oxnard; there were tacos for breakfast on the pier, and my flight out of Los Angeles (with serious security–  post-killing of Osama Bin Laden).

So rich.  such gifts.  and many thoughts.  California was– awe-ing.  The scenery was ever-changing and beautiful.  The coast was ocean on one side and mountains on the other.  Greenery, flowers, fresh produce.  At times, I thought, oh I want to live HERE.  But also.  California is, California.  I’m not sure it is the place for me.  It is like the epitome of the consumer culture ideal.  It is instant gratification.  It is fields and fields of vegetables…FOOD!…grown as monocultures, using mass quantities of water, and abundant pesticides and herbicides.  And the smog in Los Angeles was…disheartening to me.  At times we road IN TRAFFIC on a 12 lane highway (6 lanes in each directions).  A city of 4 million people, where EVERYONE DRIVES.  hmm.

And .  I loved all of it.  The sights.  The food.  The family.  The journeys.  oh how lucky I am!

And then I had a whole day in Santa Fe, to wander, to get to know the streets.  Concluded with a bike ride and a beer with friends.  lucky luck.  And then on Monday morning, we picked up the doggies from the Dusty Dog Ranch, and began the drive home.  home home home.  and I am happy to be home.  and back to work, to weave.

in the winter of 2004/2005, I began baking bread.  I lived in Michigan at the time with my parents and my brother, Josh, and bread-baking became my hobby.  My mom introduced me to my dad’s old copy of BEARD ON BREAD by James Beard, and I set out to recreate recipe after recipe.  Not precisely.  At the time, I refused to use butter, white flour, sugar…so I frequently adapted the recipes to use olive oil, various flours (whole wheat, unbleached allpurpose, spelt, buckwheat, barley, oat, rye…) and honey (sometimes molasses).  It was delicious.  slash my breads have come a long way.

a long enough way that I now seldom use recipes.  I just bake.  I’ve made enough bread that I know what I want it to feel like in my hands.  and every bread is so different and unique.  In Mexico, we would bake in our homemade cob oven.  I started making sponges (soaking the dough overnight the night before with a little yeast).  there have been yeast breads, soda breads, baking powder biscuits, flatbreads, cakes, pies, sourdoughs. there have been various incarnations of sourdough, some more successful than others.

SLASH MY MOST SUCCESSFUL SOURDOUGH TO DATE…is right now.  I’ve had it for a few months now, and, basically, it rules.  And basically, I made a bread that is perhaps one of my favorite breads a few days ago.  I imagine it becoming a staple in our lives.  a loaf that I will bake weekly, to have around.  for easy lunches (nom nom nom.  yesterday we ate bread, and cheese and apricot jam for lunch.  oh nom nom nom).    My recipe is adapted from Sandor Katz’s recipe in WILD FERMENTATION.  I am re-posting because it was just that delectable…to me.

so Sandor’s/my recipe is as follows:

Sonnenblumenkernbrot (German Sunflower Seed Bread)  (when I make and eat this bread, I think of my friends Tracie and Agnes, both of whom, enjoy these dense seed packed breads)

for one hearty free form loaf… (it’s important to note that I seldom measure…so measurements are approximate…and instead I add more or less based on texture…AND I made a free form loaf because I do not own any loaf pans)

1 c. bubbly sourdough starter

1 c. lukewarm water

2 c. raw sunflower seeds (hulled…I used half sunflower/pumpkin seeds because that’s what I had)

3 c. whole wheat flour

1 c. rye flour

1 tsp. salt

– mix a sponge– stir together sourdough starter, water, seeds, and half of each of the flours in a bowl.  cover with a moist towel and leave to ferment in a ‘warm’ place, until it is ‘good and bubbly’ (I left mine about 10 hours).

– add salt and remaining flour.  stir in, adding more water or flour as needed, until the dough holds together, and then knead for 10 or so minutes on a floured surface, adding more flour as needed (I have yet to experiment with this bread…typically for sourdough I continually wet my hands with water instead of powdering them with flour to reduce stickiness.  I imagine, it would work for this bread too…yet…it is definitely an already moist moist bread, so maybe the additional water is unnecessary).

–when gluten is sufficiently increased from kneading, place ball of dough in a clean, oiled bowl.  Cover with a moist towel and let rise until its bulk has significantly increased.  (I left mine about 8 hours)

–once dough has risen, form into a free form loaf (mine was a round shape), cover with a bowl or towel, and let rise another hour or two, until dough has risen again.

–Preheat the oven to 400 degrees (I did 350, but if I had looked at Sandor’s directions, I would have tried 400 first) and place a baking stone in oven to warm.

–when ready to bake, throw some cornmeal on the stone, lightly powder loaf with extra flour and transfer it to the stone.  Put a mug of water in the oven as well to create some steam.

–bake!  until done!  45-50 minutes??  Remove from oven.  cool on a rack, at least 15 minutes before noshing.

yay.  I love this bread.  and will make it regularly, I think.!!  hooray!  What do I love more than bread and butter?  who am I kidding, it’s not a competition.  yet, bread and butter is definitely one of my major loves.

Tonight I’ve got a mind-full on my mind.  Daniel and I watched this…amazing…incredible…awe-ing…and haunting… film.  HOME from 2009.  made by Yann Arthus-Bertrand.  With out of this world, yet so totally of this world, photography and eco-political narration I was … … … well, it looks like I was speechless.  but actually, to the contrary.  I had thoughts and thoughts and words and words.  I wonder.  Is this it?  Is there a chance for ‘civilization’—  life as we know it?  future generations of humans?  are we nearing the end?  how near is the end?  will we feel the change?  will the next generation feel the change?  will the change be gradual?  sudden?  ????  can ecological changes change anything?  or are we speeding towards …implosion?  what does it all mean?  when will the migration be?  are people going to live shorter lives?  and will the population decrease (lack of food, water….?  disease??)

should we move to canada?  My friend and farmer, Henry, contemplates buying land in Canada–  an investment for future generations, when he hypothesizes that the midwest will be a desert.  …  …  …

I wonder what becomes.

The film also concluded with a hopeful tone.  summarizing the ecological advancements that are happening every day all over the world.  yet.  who knows?  as far as the fate of the planet is concerned it probably makes a difference.  yet.  as far as the fate of the human race is concerned, does it make a difference?  …  I do not ask this question in order to question the validity of living a life of low-impact…a life of low-impact is certainly something for which I believe.  no doubt.  I just wonder.  I think thoughts.

hmm.

They say that this was the most dry winter in 60 years in new mexico.  Severe water shortages.  Is this the beginning of the end of the water?

And so we read yesterday in the Las Vegas Optic that Las Vegas, NM,  has created measures to limit water consumption this year in the city limits.  People are not allowed to water outside (which not only means people can’t water lawns…they can not water gardens…FOOD.).  Restaurants are encouraged to use paper products so there are less dishes to do.  What the hell?  does that solve anything?  What narrow-narrow-narrow-mindedness, in my perception.  As if using paper and styrofoam products saves water??  yeah, right.  The amount of water and resources consumed in the production and processing of such products is waste, inherently!  And then, if people cannot grow food, then they have to buy food, likely food shipped from distances, which have consumed vast amounts of water and resources. Maybe people can grow their own food–  supply food to the restaurants, and maybe we can put our energies into greywater systems and water catchment systems and water filtration systems, to make better use of what we have.  Maybe we can use compost toilets instead of flushing precious water down the toilet to never be viable again.  Maybe we can plant native grasses and wildflowers in place of our lawns that are dryland tolerant and will set roots and sustain soil health and hold in water and protect from winds and erosion.  ay yi yi.

and then!  We were in Santa Fe, and the freaking library is watering its grass with sprinklers???!!!!  ay yi yi yi.  while 60 miles away in Las Vegas, people can not even water their gardens?  disgusting to me.

slash .  I accept it.  This is the world we live in.  There is so much more to this world as well.  Yet.  I wonder about it sometimes.  I know so many people doing beautiful things, inspiring things, creating and maintaining love and gentleness and community and support.  and we are all a part of it.  all of it.

I think of when I was in high school and I was president of a club called Help Our Planet Earth.  But back then, I didn’t even know what it meant.  I feel shameful for my naivety and ignorance, and I trust in my process, and our process.  whatever it may be.

I am.

satisfied.

I’ve been thinking about satisfaction as often as I have lately.  What it means and how one can find and accumulate this appreciation.

satisfaction has never been a challenge for me.  or maybe at times it has.  yet these days, I am armed with affirmation and appreciation, and thus the world and my life is what it is.  and I accept that.  acceptance.

I am satisfied this evening.  mentally.  physically.  spiritually.  wholly.  !

!

After a day day day of cooking and eating and weaving and talking, Daniel and I returned home.  which led me to work.  my own work!  my farm work!  rich rich RICH.  it is.  I think.  Planting potatoes.  for two and a half hours.  last night too.  as the sun sets, digging trenches, cutting and placing spuds, and covering.  on and on.  17 varieties planted!  ay yi yi!  just a little of each.  and hooray!

And then I dug two little holes and planted apricot trees!  hip hip hooray.

and then Nata and I went for a walk.  a little walk.  Daniel and Tunas were out on an 8 mile run.  satisfactory!

and then inside for soup and quesadillas, and yay.

satisfied.  from my belly.  to my muscles.  to my mind.  to my heart.  satisfied.  oh how I love the air.  oh how I love the dirt.  oh how I love food.  oh how I love.

love!

and sleep!

love!

mice and snakes.  snakes and mice.  two peas in a pod.  hopefully not.  We’ve got a snake living outside our front door.  hopefully not much longer.  We cleared the area and discovered it’s got a little hiding spot inside a crack in the cement.  Maybe it will leave soon though.  I do not mind it living on my land; it’s probably even a good thing.  Yet, I do not particularly like it living outside of my front door.  Mostly because I fear it will discover all the mice that scurry throughout our walls and decide to come inside as well.  agh!

So we’ve got all these mice scurrying about …mostly they enter through a gap in the kitchen tiling between the tile and the cabinets.  then they scurry along the back of the counter and over to the stove.  They also like the pantry…hence I have moved any overstocks in bags to plastic yogurt containers…if they begin eating through the yogurt containers, I will then transfer overstock grain and nuts to glass jars.    ay yi yi.

Tunas and Nata are skillful, or rather persistent mouse hunters–  Once they caught 5 in one day.  It was…amazing…yet our mice have become wise to the ways of the dogs; now they seldom cross the floors.  And our dear dogs can not catch them if they stay along the back wall of the counter.

Today while I was cooking dinner, I found not one, but two baby mice, teeny tiny squiggly creatures peeping on the counter.  They were totally newborn!  and adorable.  so sweet.  so sad to me.  Sad to imagine that mama mouse was so pregnant that she had to birth her little babes right on my counter, and then abandon them there amongst my oils and vinegars.  and then continued sadness because to me, they were so darling.  I scooped them up in a container.  I couldn’t bring myself to feed them to the dogs.  too little.  too helpless.  And I did not want two more mice in my house!  So.  I brought them outside and lay the two cheepy, squirmy, little pink bodies on the ground by the compost, and covered them in a tiny wool blanket.  I doubt they will survive the cold night, yet at least I tucked them into bed, I think.  sad sad sad.

hmm…I am scared to set mousetraps because I worry the dogs will get into them.  I suppose we could put them high on top of the cabinets, yet I don’t think that’s really the ideal spot to catch the mice.  And I don’t like killing them.  But also, I don’t want snakes in my house.  How do these critters get in anyways??  Our walls are like 16 inches thick.  hmm.

Tonight this place seems like mouse city, man.  seriously.