*delayed posting!  written Wednesday February 09, 2011*

ha.  I remember a year or so ago when I wrote a blog on the snowiest day, when everyone kept grumbling about the snow that was called “the most beautiful day.”  slash to me, it was blissy-blissy-bliss-bliss.

Well, today was beautiful similarly and differently.  The temperatures here have been unbelievably low at night (-20 degrees some nights!!!!!), and we have had a few snow storms, leaving us with 14 inches of snow, and snowy roads, and icy roads, and snow-capped mountains and blue skies.  Today after two attempts to pull the car out of the driveway, we made it out, and slowly so slowly to the mill for work.  Yet upon arrival, we discovered that no one had come into work!!  and with no keys to get in and work ourselves, we went home, to embark on a day home.  A day rich with snow-shovelling, music, seed ordering, baked potato/turnip/sweet potato fries, soup and biscuits,  and rug making!  Daniel is felting a rug as we speak!  I anticipate its beauty–

We have been working on our seed order for our farm/garden— whatever it may be– however big or small it may be.  I feel excited and fearful–  so much to choose from, and it’s truly time–  perhaps past time, slash not too late– we’ll get those seeds in the ground..  We plan to plant a 1/2 acre-2 acres–  yet to be officially decided…depends on our finalized seed order.  We plan(t) to (plan)t varietals of corn (for tortillas!), dry beans, winter squash, arugula, mustard, kale, carrots, tomatoes, chiles, potatoes, garlic (planted!), onion, choi, turnips, radish, beets, burdock, dandelion, collards, amaranth, herbs, peas, melons, …maybe some other deliciousness that I cannot think of…!!

I feel excited for the future that is our food and our fields.  I feel excited to come to know and understand the acequia system of irrigation and connect with the history of this land.  I am excited!  There are so many possibilities here!

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when we came upon it,

it was quietly having lunch in our yard,

tearing little creatures apart,

eating what’s good, dropping what’s not.

nata and camera-eye quickly shooed it away.

we had to do it.

to see it really fly.

to feel the great myth,

alive in the wild.

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kombucha brew becoming on the stove.

cracking open the dehydrated apples and pears and asian pears from the farm.

weaving for work.

I started weaving on January 10, 2011, and have been working four days a week at the Mora Valley Spinning Mill slash Tapetes de Lana, learning the art.  I have made seven sets of coasters and a whole bunch of random coasters.  Coasters are how I practice slash Carla (who is the founder of the mill and my landlord) says that people do buy them…so!  I may have a slight income from this art.  Time will tell.  This coaster-making is a practice for future weaving projects– there is some sort of traditional rug that is needed for some sort of celebrations in the pueblos (vague? yes), and Carla is going to train me to weave these rugs!  yay!  and she is going to let us take a loom home!  yay!

The mill is loud.  The mill is wooly.  The mill is filled with semi-simple machines, as far as machines go, in my perception, that wash, card, draft, spin, cone, and ply, raw wool from wooly creatures (varieties of sheep, goat, llama, alpaca, maybe rabbit?).  The mill is also filled (although not really filled, rather contains) about ten people who operate and oversee and organize this machinery to turn unclean raw wool into yarn.  (Daniel is one of them.)  Fascinating stuff– especially since, I think, in some ways yarn seems like a raw material because it is the basis for making, and is seldom used as itself…it is a blueprint for a future thing.  – yet it turns out that yarn is hardly a raw material!  There is what I would call extensive processing that goes into the becoming of wool into yarn.  It is a tremendous job that they do in that mill.  And it takes focus and patience.  The Mora Valley Spinning Mill is a factory and not a factory–  it’s a sort of cooperative factory.  It’s actually a not-for-profit factory.  far out.  Employees have a sort of voice, and the whole process is done ‘in house’–  all the parts are there.  And these ten people make it happen.  In many ways, I think it is a beautiful thing.  And it is an environment to enter.  sights, smells, sounds.   Many people wear headphones to protect their ears from the whirring buzz of machines.

and that reminds me.  yesterday morning before work, I drank red tea.  Heavenly blissy bliss, honey sweet earth red tea from China, courtesy of Pouquette’s and Kim, only the special-tea of this world… and I was thus. hopped.  thus.

which for me, is unusual.  I seldom have caffeine, seldom meaning maybe once per week (well, I eat totes chocolate…); I have always had this notion that I do not want to be dependent on caffeine and thus, I only like to have caffeine when I really want it, not when I “need” it.  I prefer to have caffeine not when I am sleepy, instead when I am awake–  I like to make my high (meaning my joyful spirits) higher, as similar and different from making my low (meaning my waning energy/sleepiness) normal.  I suppose.  I like to feel how I feel, high low normal feel feelings, and see how things thus affect me, rather than depend on something to determine how I feel.  maybe.  I’m not sure if I’ve said what I’ve said as I intended, slash I am anxious to return to the story.  So me, awesome red tea, totes hopped. thus.

Plus!  headphones!  maybe the third time in my life wearing headphones attached to some sort of audio.  There is something in me that wants to be aware of my surroundings and fears the way that headphones can create isolated experiences.  I am a communicable being–  I am also an internal being– I am a being–  slash I think it’s a matter of being in a space versus being in a headspace– which are not mutually exclusive concepts.

slash the matter is this!  me, tea, hopped, thus, headphones, jams, loom, coasters, bliss!  So much bliss!  I was in this experience with myself– this caffeine focus and energy and intensity…this music in my head magic…I could still hear a hum from the machines, yet, me, the woodstove, the loom, and the jams: we jammed!  I wanted to sing and dance and nod and smile and weave and be.  oh beautiful it was, I think.

I listened to mostly rap and/or hip-hop, slash what better way than headphones to hear the well-spoken poetic passionate words of an emcee?  I don’t think I have ever understood Saul Williams in the way I do when I hear only his words in my ears.  Like he is speaking these words to me–

I am surprised that with the abundance of people wearing headphones attached to mp3 players that I don’t see more people nodding, smiling, dancing, JAMMING on the streets.  what beauty it could be.

slash I wonder about all of this stuff:  Is it a distraction to have music in my head?  Is it an escape from my circumstances?  Does it deter my focus?  I don’t know.  I’ve always been opposed to running with headphones–for myself that is.  Because if I need to distract myself from it (assuming the headphones are a distraction), then why would I do it?  Why would I punish myself and put myself through it, if I can’t be in my body, in my surroundings, and enjoy it.  Take it all in.  Feel what it feels like and appreciate it.  Slash also I respect the way the headphones can amplify my experience.  provide a sound track and mood a voice.  hmmm.

So i enjoy the weaving.  The weaving is focus.  it is creative and it is organized.  like me.  I think.

so photos of coasters to come!  photos of the funky loom I use to come!  more words?  surely will come. love!

There is kindness in this place, this New Mexico place, where I live. I have probably walked to the post office 12-15 times since I’ve been here (23 days), and in that time, I have four times been offered rides by cars and mostly trucks passing by.  That is 1/3-1/4 of the time!  In my perception, an amazing statistic.  No doubt, I am a seemingly safe person to pick up on the road, yet even so, I find it amazing.  I used to walk to work every day, and frequently at 4:30 a.m. in the snow.  Never once did anyone stop and offer me a ride; I think in the city I would certainly be less likely to accept a ride, yet even so.

There is something isolating about the city, a mentality, an every wo-man for oneselfness.  Yet in small places, where people actually are isolated because we don’t live across the hall from anyone, and we don’t pass anyone on our walk to the post office, there is community, a community of locale.  Nonetheless, I struggle to find that community for myself, while in the city I have had vibrant connections and community.  (I have also had vibrant connections and community in the country).  I imagine it is easier in the city because we come into contact with others everyday.  I imagine it is easier in the city because we have little else, outside of personal relations.  We seldom have long-lasting connections with our homes (because we are renting); we seldom have connections with our land (because we have none); we seldom have connections with our roads (because they are packed with people travelling singularly in isolated pods [cars], and if we are on foot or on bicycle the path is treacherous).  So we come together, form new families and communities, find people who relate to us, and we thrive.

In the country, I think, community is assumed.  When we see a person in our community who might need our assistance we offer it without avoiding eye contact.   We help our neighbors chase their cows back into their pastures.  Still, I think this assumed community lacks the necessity and perhaps desperation that is urban community.  It lacks the emotional connections that can be so fulfilling.  It is like family.  Birth-family is assumed community.  In the assumed community of birth-family, it is safe, it is loving, it is supportive, yet it may not be rich with deep connections (and it may be deep connections– assumed community can become chosen community).  Connections that are sought out because we need to connect.

I guess I need to connect.  I feel excited when people reach out to me here in kindness because I am aware of the connections.

I haven’t necessarily thought this out in the way one  might when one elaborates on a topic, especially a topic like this, that many people have probably written about before.  And.  I take that risk.  and write these words because they are present with me.  I am thankful for my communities-  the assumed communities, the birth-family, and the family I have sought out because we need and love each other.  for all of it.

what  a quiet holiday it has been. quiet and loud, loud with richness, with fun, with love, with adventures.  I think this is the voice of my life in New Mexico thus far– quiet and loud and rich.

We woke up and played with the doggies and had a coffee-taste-test-a-thon, and then proceeded to make our home a little more ours.  This morning we moved the storage vegetables from one “cold” room to another “cold room,” and “cold room” number 1 can now be a little less cold.  We swept and mopped and discovered that our mop bucket leaks, and cleaned the drunk flies off of the windows, and the little less “cold room” number 1 is now our felting studio!  Hooray!  I am so excited about this room because now Daniel has a space, a special space, a completely open space to work!  Felt rugs, here we come!  hopefully-

Maybe Daniel can post a photo of the new felting studio!  We also saged the whole house!  Fresh freshness!  And then Christmas culinary extravaganza began.  We decided on pizza and chocolate cake for our holiday meals!  We made a thin thin crust pizza with a green tomato and roasted poblano and pesto sauce, and garlic butter, and two cheeses!  yum yum.  Consumed with fresh aronia kombucha!  And followed up by super rich and bitter chocolate-squash-coconut cake!  nom nom nom.  ”Who knew I could make such a good ass chocolate cake”- we wondered.

phew.  Additionally, I finished altering my new jeans and spun a small two-ply skein of yarn!  hooray!   life-ing life-ing life-ing, here we come!  Things are exciting here to me, right now.  Promising.  exciting.  I am enjoying these adventures.

And adventures in New Mexico!  There are so many adventures to be had!   hikes to go on, gardens to grow, mountains to traverse, campsites to sleep at, small cities to explore!  and after the new year, Daniel’s boss, Carla, says she will train me to weave!

I am hopeful.  I am content.  I love building fires in the woodstove each night to keep me warm warm warm.  ooh, and I am so warm warm warm, in the sleeping bag, under the blankets, in front of the fire.

here’s to one more week in 2010! what a year to celebrate!

Today, December 09, 2010, I woke for the third morning in my new home in New Mexico. I ate cornmeal pancakes (made with the Bloody Butcher flour!  that we grew at Henry’s Farm), and I helped load my friends, Val and Michelle, back into Michelle’s car– her trusty vehicle that brought me here on Tuesday morning.

Val and Michelle and I left my previous home on Henry’s Farm at 9:30 a.m. on Monday morning.  We’d been up for over four hours already, vacuuming, composting, cleaning the refrigerator, packing the car, collecting storage food.  Numb fingers and toes were had by all.  And then onto the road we journeyed!!  Within the first hour, the five inches of snow with which we began our day quickly turned into no inches of snow and a lot of sunshine.  and thus was our trip.  Eventually, sunshine became sunset, became darkness, became night night night, all night, night, night.  We never found doughnuts along the way.  We did, however, find a truck stop in Big Cabin, Oklahoma, where we ate fry bread and chili and grilled cheese and soup and salad at the Cherokee Restaurant.  Oh the accents we heard were inspiring!

We listened to jams much of the ride as well.  Many thanks to Michael Franti! Peter Adriel! Harry Potter 7 and Jim Dale! Bob Dylan! Neko Case! Buffy Saint-Marie! Those Darlins! Wilco! for moving us across this country!

Oh the beautiful midwest.  My beautiful Illinois.  and Missouri!  and the plains of Oklahoma!  and Texas in the dark!  and New Mexico where we could not even see the mountains in the darkness yet the stars were brilliant!  shooting stars!  My favorite words said on this sacred journey were, “holy crap.  look out my window”  – Val in awed enthusiasm,

We met Daniel and the doggies and the new mexico red-roof adobe love at about 5:30 a.m. on Tuesday morning!

So now.  I am alone.  Daniel is at work.  the morning was…eventful.  After Val and Michelle left, I went outside and left the door open!  aaagh!  I felt so shameful to be responsible for having left the door open that was the open door through which Nata ran out!!!!!  It took us probably twenty minutes to catch her.  She spanned our property and the neighbors.  She played with the neighbors dogs’ (we learned that she is good with dogs!) and we called her name desperately.  demandingly.  yet.  she was in freedom bliss!  So.  so.  happy.

Yet me.  so so scared.  I climbed through some barbed wire during the chase and tore my clothes and finally I tackled her while she was sniffing out some sort of ground dwelling critter on the neighbors’ lane.  phew.  phew. phew.  I hope never to unconsciously leave the door open again.  seriously.

Now I am making the first batch of new mexico red-roof adobe love kombucha, and I am thinking about unpacking more stuff.  making this home more and more my own.  It is amazing to me, what a special home this is.  It is a restored adobe from the 1800s.  With a big beautiful clawfoot tub, and cabinets galore.  so much to say.  hopefully there will be many pictures.  I intend to learn to use Daniel’s camera!  yahoo!

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This exciting news also comes at a very sad time for my family and me.  Our dog, Tomato, the sister of Tunas and Nata, who lives in Michigan with my parents and one of my brothers and a doggy named Reba, is no longer living.  Sweet sweet, loving, licking Tomato’s liver has failed her.  I am so lucky to have spent Thanksgiving with my family and with Tomato, who’s health appeared to be looking up before it started looking down again.  so quickly.  I feel the sadness and I also think that we were all so lucky to have loved her.

+++¡godspeed!toe-me-oh-me-oh-my!+++

+++¡godspeed!toe-me-oh-me-oh-my!+++

I’m in apple p-p-p-pie land right now.  Slash I can’t get this idea out of my head.  When I began to make the pie, my brother, Josh, says, “Make an oreo crust”–

I defensively respond, “aw, man, oreo’s suck.”

Josh says, “they don’t suck.”

I say, “they’re crap.  they’re hardly real food.  they are made in a lab.”

All of which, in my perception, is true.  Slash then, meaning now, I struggle to let go of this idea:  oreo’s don’t suck.  they are what they are.  why did I condemn them so deeply?  Truth is, if somebody made me a pie with an oreo crust, I would enjoy it!  Thankfully!  What a gift!  Slash I think the matter is this: when I want to make a pie, I want to make the pie.  I don’t want oreo making the pie.  My pie can be just as good and better than an oreo one because, well, I made it!  It’s almost like I was insulted that my brother would suggest that I make an oreo pie crust because it takes the Rebekah out of the pie.  maybe.  at least this is what I think I thought.  No doubt an oreo pie crust pumpkin pie would be delicious.  maybe I’ll even make him one.  tomorrow.  if he really wants.  although still…I think I’d rather make some creamy chocolaty cookies and crunch them up for the crust.  That’s me.  I’m a from scratch kind of girl, I guess.  nom nom nom.  pie’s away!

I wonder if this is an unnecessary topic to reflect on.  I found my reaction interesting.  The vehemence with which I responded about the suckiness of oreos is a little shameful to me.  What reason do I have to criticize and judge?  Why could I not simply refuse and tell him that I wanted to make a pie from scratch?  In my perception, the condemnation was unnecessary when I could have simply explained myself.

Anyway.  delicious pie p-pie-pie-pie.

/this reminds me of the time I wrote an entry about big cookies v. little cookies./ha.