tunacan cut suture sealed

May 16, 2009 – 9:57 am

wounded.  I have this wound on my hand.  Yesterday morning around 5:30 a.m., I sliced my right hand just below my pinky on the lid of a can of tuna.

The great blessings that are my friends came into work early, as well as drove me to the hospital, where my wound was cleaned/sanitized, numbed (although it was already numb), stitched closed with three sutures, and finally bandaged.  a few hours later the anaesthesia wore off and an achey pain set in, this deep sort of soreness, exhaustion in the palm of my hand.  There is also a sensitive and surprise in the knuckle at the base of my pinky.  My pinky finger, particularly the outside edge of it, is still numb and hot.  and I wonder…

will this finger forever have a different experiences of experiences?  will it feel differently?  will it move differently?  will this be something changed in my life- the relationship of my pinky to the rest of the world?  or will this shock slash potential nerve damage be something that heals slowly at the rate it does?

Hmm…typing is a curious exercise for me?  I am considering it practice in the getting to know my new pinky and the ways in which it experiences the world.

In seven to ten days, I can have my stiches removed.  phew.  I experience feelings of shame and anger for being what my mind says was so careless.  slash amazing circumstances.

amazing to me how these things happen.  How I can spend days and nights and hours and car rides worrying about what might happen, and how when things do happen they happen, and all of the worrying only served to drain my spirit and limit my presence in a situation.  An important thing for me to remember, I think.

I am curious to see and be with my body as it heals.  what the process might be like.  to the newness of experiences–

By bekyalbert | Posted in Uncategorized | Comments (1)

tweet tweet

May 9, 2009 – 1:52 pm

http://twitter.com/dandeliondigit

By dandelion digital | Posted in Uncategorized | Comments (0)

piggly wiggly

May 1, 2009 – 7:51 am

I am feeling fearful of swine flu.  In my life, I don’t have memories of other virus ‘pandemics;’ it seems dire to me.  Working at the Unicorn and riding public transport may or may not raise my risk since I do interact with many many people per day and deal with their dirty dishes.  We have discussed important sanitary precautions at work (mostly just washing hands, washing hands, washing hands), and I feel fearful.

I feel fearful as well because I imagine that if I get swine flu, all of those people I serve at the cafe will get it!  maybe maybe not.

Every day I learn new things about swine flu that may or may not be facts.  There are newly identified cases.  I worry that what I normally would think were allergies could be swine flu.

I also think of the people I knew in Mexico, where the outbreak is seemingly most severe.  I wonder if mi ranchito is affected??

I plan to seek treatment if there is a time when I develop what may be flu symptoms.

By bekyalbert | Posted in Uncategorized | Comments (0)

rain rain rain

April 26, 2009 – 3:38 pm

today daniel, the doggies and I were drenched in the rain…twice!  oh storms storms.  The dogs are scared of the storms and shiver and pace and pant at the thunder crashes or lurking clouds.

We are back at page one.  Not fully at page one because we have had all sorts of experiences since page one was originally page on, AND we are back there.  The endless possibilities of possible opportunities and choices to choose for where and what and how I want to live and be and do.  They are all there.  and I do not know yet what to choose. sometimes I wish someone else could just choose for me.  Yet I believe it is essential that I claim my life space and claim my choices and trust in the choices I choose.  whatever they may be.

a wise owl pendant watches me on the desk where I type this and I wonder if it has the answers.

??

By bekyalbert | Posted in Uncategorized | Comments (0)

putting it out there.

April 7, 2009 – 11:47 am

We are hoping to move.  We ideally would be biking distance to Santa Fe…but maybe not quite.  Maybe further away.  We ideally would have some outdoor space.  an acre or more.  Maybe a fence.  A house with a few rooms.  Dogs allowed.  An oven.  A tub.  Space to garden.

Soon.

I think it is important that I put these wants out there to the universe.  We look daily for possibilities.  I would gladly live in one of the smaller towns, AND it will be important that we are able to get an income to pay rent.  We maybe can bottle and sell our kombucha.  Maybe I can work at a cafe or a bakery or a farm.

…???!!

Any suggestions??

By bekyalbert | Posted in Uncategorized | Comments (0)

los perros mexicanos-americanos

March 20, 2009 – 7:53 am

One year ago this morning, Daniel, Tunas, Nata, Tomato and I woke up in the United States.  We had moved back here.  We took our first walk together with the pups here.   The next day the pups met their first snowfall.

It has been one of my great challenges raising these pups.  and one of my great joys raising these pups.  Raising dogs triggers fear in me, sadness, shame, joy, excitement, pride.  They have this rich deep energy, and I was scared that by bringing them here, DOMESTICATING them, turning them into American dogs they would lose their “vibrancy,” their “dogness”–

and then the dominance fights started.  And then I learned about establishing myself as their leader, so that they do not need to deal with it themselves.  I am learning to understand the times when their energy is heightened, their excitement accellerating, and how to quell and calm it.  So that they can be safe.  So that we can be safe.  And these lessons provide daily gifts.  Gifts for my pride and confidence.  As well as my security.  As well as for the doggies.  We can now walk them, anywhere, everywhere.  We do not need to be afraid of ‘what might happen.’  So we walk about two hours each day so we all can use our bodies and breathe.   It is amazing to me.  It is challenging to me.

As is the passage of time.  When I imagine returning to Mexico, I feel fearful.  I read the American/UK news and I read about a growing situation of danger in Mexico.  I read of drug cartels and beheadings and random shootings and of a potential collapse of the Mexican government.  I wonder if this is mostly brainwashing or propaganda, or if the situation has truly increased in extremity since we were there.

There were certainly times when I felt fearful and thought I was taking risks of sorts, often related to being an American woman; and also I generally experienced a sense of safety (excluding nights with alacranes) in Mexico, not particularly less safe than I feel in the United States.

Personal security is a mysterious thing to me.  I remind myself that things happen, I remind myself that life happens.

speaking of life happening, I foresee a move to New Mexico (as opposed to Old Mexico) this spring.  What can happen in a year’s time!!??!!?!  more information to come…

By bekyalbert | Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | Comments (0)

a real good time - november 22, 2004 - 11:51 am

March 15, 2009 – 2:01 am

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

+++++++++++++++_ a digital sketch in an analog drawing class. showed up late, heads didn’t connect, people couldn’t boot.

Read More »

By dandelion digital | Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | Comments (0)

foodles of noodles

March 2, 2009 – 6:21 pm

I have been dreaming about fish!  Ever since my friends, May and Dan, ate fresh fish in San Diego, California.

tonight we cook cod!

and artichoke!  I already prepared the artichoke–  my first time preparing an artichoke–

a wacky experience… a fun experience!  I think this was my first time buying produce in months…I’ve been diligently eating farm produce stored from the season at Henry’s, and produce that I find on the counter or in the refrigerator here…but I don’t think I’ve bought it…maybe some avocados or papaya or limes sometime in the last year.  There is something about shopping for produce in a store that is far-out to me after the year on the farm.  When I see the onions I picture the whole onion.  I picture the process it might have gone through to get to where it is today.  And I imagine how different the process that store-bought onion went through to get here is from the process of the onions that we hung in the basement of Henry’s house.  When I see the monster potatoes and the shiny apples, I remember what it’s like to dig potatoes– the warmth from the dig, the way I had to learn to use my other foot when I sprained my foot in October, the wet earth, the clumps of potatoes, the little littles potatoes, the whole potato family!!  I see the curious speckled apples we picked from Henry’s tree to make apple juice on the way home from milking mandy the goat.

But so I bought this artichoke.  I once saw an artichoke growing in real life.  For the three months I lived in Arizona, we had a garden.  And there were a few big tall artichokes in that garden.  I could have never imagined that the creamy cream creammmmminess delight of the artichoke hearts we fought over in our salads could have grown in the way it grows.

I had research how to prepare it.  I think it went all right.  We’ll eat it in a few hours.  I already nibbled quite a bit.  I found it highly delicious–

We make pasta tonight as well.  a treat that I learned from a dear dear friend, Antonio.  only the delicious pasta of the world.  We cut funny shapes sometimes because we don’t have a pasta maker, we just roll it and cut it by hand.  Sometimes I think a pasta maker would be fun sometimes.  a little quicker.  a little more professional.  and sometimes I love the process.  and the mysterious, at times, somewhat unrecognizable as pasta pasta we make–

yum.

By bekyalbert | Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | Comments (2)

nedaw

February 24, 2009 – 9:08 pm

There exists a certain responsibility within myself to spread awareness at this time of year…

2009 marks my fifth year celebrating National Eating Disorder Awareness Week. Hooray!!  THAT IS THIS WEEK!  BEGINNING SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 22!!

Another year of my life!  Another year on the path of life!

Each year, this week holds different meanings to me.  This year, I celebrate my life and process, as well as reflect on the world around me.

this week and year, I hope for the ability to connect with my truths, and be my truths, speak my truth, live my truths.  And accept that I am who I am who I am.  I hope to continue to open my heart and share myself, in order to continually remind myself that there is nothing wrong with me.  OR ANYONE for that matter, people people people just doing what we do to be okay in our worlds…figuring things out…

I want to call for a movement!  Of truth!  Of openning up!  No more shame or secrets!

I feel proud for myself.  I feel proud for friends who continue on in their rich processes.  Rich with life– challenges and gifts and joys.  as we navigate through this universe!!

today and all days, I send health and healing into the world, love and light and trust in processes, as people we know and love continue on through their processes at different stages of their processes–

I think we are all a part of this…I think eating disorder is a small part of the picture…I think it is in all of us…and I hope persons can learn to love and care for ourselves in the ways that truly nourish our beings!

I extraspecially am sending loving and trusting energy filled with hope into the universe to my family who loves and supports and processes in the ways they do

for more on my story and process– last year at this time I wrote this: http://www.babythebreadisrising.com/2008/02/26/this-week/

By bekyalbert | Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , | Comments (0)

in the realm of the real and the hyperreal

February 17, 2009 – 3:24 pm

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

fates struck dead in their place

at the rusted metal shoe of the mechanized horse.

left to decompose

by those, the very same

who attempt to deny decomposition’s inevitability.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

realm of real and hypereal_01

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

dsc_9588e01_72_722

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

the real and hypereal_03

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

the real and hypereal_04

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

the real and hypereal_05

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

the real and hyerreal_06

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

the real and hyperreal_07

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

the real and hyperreal_08

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

the real and hyperreal_09

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

the real and hyperreal_10

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

the realm of real and hyperreal_11

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

the real and hyperreal_12

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

the real and hyperreal_13

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

the real and hyperreal_15

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

the real and hyperreal_16

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

the real and hyperreal_17

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

the real and hyperreal_18

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

the real and hyperreal_19

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

the real and hyperreal_20

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

the real and hyperreal_22

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

+++++++++

By dandelion digital | Posted in random life stuff | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments (0)